


Breathing My Nightmares and falling in love

by Biersackjpg



Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 04:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6409609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biersackjpg/pseuds/Biersackjpg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night of Ashley Purdy's admission changes everything for Andy; a teenager suffering with psychotic depression; one moment he is with his therapist; the next, his world is turned upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I looked up, from my seat in the middle of the floor of the waiting room,  
"Andrew Dennis? Good to see you again." I sniffled, and stood myself up, shaking, and followed the same old therapist into the same old room to talk about the same old shit, and be admitted to the same old ward for the same old illness.  
"Welcome back Andrew, how're you?" I said nothing.  
"Do you know what brought you back to us?" Of course I knew. I was answering the question by not saying anything. I just stared. They knew me by now, all too well, to think any different. I stared at the corner of the room. He was there. Charles. I felt my hands make fists, and I felt them tighten, until my nails pressed into my palms, causing my arm to shake. I felt my toes curl, and my eyes stop blinking, and my breathing speed up. It was cold. It was so, cold. 

"Andy?" I bit my lip, hard. Hard enough to make it bleed.  
"Andy!" I blinked, and swallowed hard, my eyes still watching him, whilst I pretended to listen.  
"Andy look at me," As I was forced to turn away, I started breathing louder, and louder. I couldn't breathe, there was water in my lungs, and a fire in my chest.  
"Alright hun, calm down, it's not real, you're safe,"  
"Nooooo," I was almost; moaning. My words came out as groans, and I couldn't change how it sounded. She was holding my wrists, talking to me gently, as if everything was fine. Like they always did. 

She looked up, and she spoke both calmly and gently to the doctor, that came to the door. Had she called for help when I wasn't looking? It didn't matter, it was happening anyway. They wanted to hurt me, they wanted me gone, and there was no point fighting it.  
"Okay, I'm going to get Andy to his bed, and then I'm going to need 500mg Chlorpromazine, please," Chlorpromazine was the worst. That wasn't just an antipsychotic, it was worse, it was even worse. Because it was a sedative. And I nearly always ended up asleep when it was in my system. It tended to be used as a last resort, but it didn't seem that way for me. Maybe it was, maybe I just thought it wasn't, but it felt like the first thing they said to me every time they saw me. 

I hated it, I hated all of it, and I wished I had never gone back ot therapy in order to find myself back here. It was scary, and when I wasn't having episodes, I was panicking about being restrained if and when I had one again, and as I spent most of the day with Charles, but in no immediate danger, I was just... bored.


	2. Chapter 2

I had gotten so bored that morning, that I went downstairs. I was dizzy from the chlorpromazine, but I had been asleep for 2 hours, and I was awake now. I made my way down the stairs, to AAU: I had spent my whole life wanting to become a doctor, so this made me happy. I stood by the wall, and I watched. The receptionist, Jay, or, as I knew him; J, had been helping me sneak around for years, since my first admission. I knew I was safe there.  
"J!" he was tall, and blonde, wiry, but handsome. He was extremely camp, but that's part of what made me love keeping him as company.  
"Andy! You're back!"  
"Don't even remind me," I pulled my cheeks down in frustration, and chuckled a little bit.  
"I've already been dosed up on chlorpromazine, I've only been here since this morning!" I pulled the ends of my black cardigan sleeves over my hands, and kind of; hugged myself. I was sat cross-legged on the chair, pretending I was supposed to be there. Not that my bare feet and sweatpants exactly made me blend in with the crowd of blue uniform shirts. 

"How's Charles?"  
"He's here, and he's fine,"  
The doors burst open, and in came a man in a wheelchair. I watched. He was pale, with long dark hair down ot his shoulders. He was tattooed over most of his upper-torso, and down both arms, which, had always been a turn on. He was just tall enough for me to be able to see him over the top of the reception desk. I don't know who was with him, assumably, I thought; his parents.

He caught sight of me, looking like a flamingo in a flock of pigeons, and he smiled a little. He said, if not yelled so I could hear;  
"I'm here because I fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle," 

I smiled at him, and I was almost definitely blushing. But he was smiling back, and looking at me in the same way people look at dogs waiting outside a store for their owner. I was used to that, since I was diagnosed with aspergers at 6 years old, but this was a nice kind of look, this was a doe-eyed, gentle look of what wasn't sympathy, but rather a moment filled with joy, even if only for a fraction of a second. 

"Andy?" SHIT!  
"Andy are you down here?" my heart was racing a mile a minute, it was so embarrassing, I was getting somewhere, and now he'd know I was mental. I pretneded I wasn't there, I just looked at J and hid beside his chair.  
"Andy," I cringed as she grabbed my arm, and pulled me up, "what're you doing?"  
"I- Nothing- I- CHARLES!" I sat against the wall, and she crouched to my height,  
"Where?" I felt myself start to cry, and I looked at him. He was frowning, until he was wheeled away into the waiting area. 

I curled up, taking a deep, sharp breath, through tears, and a red puffy face,  
"I can't- I can't tell you-" My head hit the wall,  
"He'll hurt you if I tell you he trusts me I can't tell you I can't he'll punish me he won't let me sleep or eat I can't do that I can't tell-"  
"Alright flower, come on, come with me," 

For a moment, I just wanted to die.

it felt like everything was collapsing, I felt stupid, I felt unwanted, and I felt like I didn't deserve to be alive.


End file.
